10 November 2014
Surviving a Bad Date
A bad date can leave you feeling embarrassed and unimpressed with yourself. Sometimes the person you are dating is a mess, sometimes you’re one doing everything wrong, and occasionally, the activities you planned turned into a disaster. Here’s what to do or survive, or perhaps even turn around a bad date.
One thing you can do is try starting over. If you’re messing up left and right, ask your date if you can start over. If you’re willing to show your human side and acknowledge that you messed up, it can be a genuine moment to your date that’s shows you’re normal and take up for your mistakes. Say something like: "I'm sorry, I'm really nervous, and I'm not being myself. Can I have a do-over?" Then take a deep breath and forget whatever you did that made you feel embarrassed, and start over. You’ve got to look at the bright side and make the most of what you’re working with here.
Another thing you can do is to be open-minded to your date. If he isn’t what or who you expected, it isn’t bad or the end of the world. “Remember the golden rule: just because you don't jive with someone, does not mean that they deserve to be treated like dirt.” (Elizabeth Stone). If he showed up in sweats and took you to Taco Bell, maybe he’s
saving up for a house or he has an amazing sense of humor. Try using open-ended questions to get them to talk about themselves more, especially where they seem nervous about talking. Listen attentively and smile a lot. “You need to find something to distract yourself. Which is why I recommend the Question Game. This is a tactic I’ve recommended before as a quick and easy way to keep conversations from stalling out. It’s also a way of dragging conversations out of the doldrums and into new and interesting areas.” (Dr. Lovenerd) Try being laid back. Even if you’re on a bad date it is not the end of the world. It’s just a few hours out of your life. Just relax and go with the flow. If you know the person isn’t the one, see it as a situation where at least the two of you had the chance to meet someone new and exchange views. Maybe it isn’t the persons fault at all and it’s the activity that’s not working too well in your favor. “Maybe you didn't realize it until RIGHT NOW, but laser tag is the worst thing you have ever tried. Is this the other person's fault? Nope. Would you still rather be somewhere… anywhere… else? Yep.” (Elizabeth Stone)
Find the humor in the situation. Perhaps being funny can lighten the tension that has been causing everything to go wrong so far; try a few laughs on for size. Make sure to keep your sense of humor light-hearted and compassionate, and focus it on the date itself and not on judging the person whom you barely know anyway.
If all else fails; end it early. For whatever reason you know you are not interested in dating this person anymore, the best thing to do is to end it. It may feel uncomfortable or cruel, but it’s kind not to give someone a pity date. “If their behavior is offensive or rude to the point of driving you away, then call them on it and make your way to the door. Sometimes you can just leave without making excuses – ‘I’ve had a nice time, but this just isn’t clicking for me and I don’t want to waste your time.’” (Dr. Lovenerd). Be assertive and inform your date that their attitude is not acceptable. Let your date know that you're not someone who will put up with such behavior, and leave. If you don’t feel comfortable calling off your date, this situation may call for some seriously drastic measures. Very discreetly pull out your cell phone and text your friend 911. Use this code because it’s quick and easy. Once your girl sees the message she will know that you need to be called immediately. “You’re on the date, and you just can’t take it anymore. You have got to get out of there, but you still want to preserve their feelings. Fake an emergency! They might...